3 Sign You Are Moving Too Fast With A Guy You Like

How much is too much too soon? How much should you invest in a person you are not even officially dating yet? When do you ask to define the relationship?

If you have read any of my articles on love and dating, you know just how exhausted I am with all nonsense swimming around the dating pool these days.

You also know that I have not yet given up hope on love yet and I am actively pursuing love (well as actively as a couch potato introvert with social anxiety can).

Relationship limbo

One of the most annoying things about dating these days is just how long people keep each other in limbo before committing to one another.

I hate casual, I cannot do casual for much longer than a couple of dates without getting seriously hurt in the process and I bet neither can you. 

However, I must admit that sometimes I am the problem and maybe you are too. I meet a guy and I make the decision to go on a date with them or not based on whether I could marry them.

Why we date

I know, I know, it may sound extreme but my Christian ladies know that in our world, the fourth date is your surprise proposal. We are told from a very young age that we date for marriage.

It was only recently that I read Marshall Seagal’s amazing book, Not Yet Marrieds, that I realized even in Christian dating, the goal is not marriage but clarity. To get a picture of what the two of you could be then make a decision to move forward or walk away based on that.

How to tell you are moving too fast

Anyway, the point is, after realizing I was putting too much pressure in the beginning stages of getting to know someone, I just wanted to know where exactly I was going wrong.

So I did a little research and here is how to know you are moving too fast too soon:

1. Your intuition

I know God gave me an intuition so that men do not take me for a fool and so that I do not mess up a good thing when I have it. But I do not listen. Often times, my emotions win the day.

Sis, you can always sense if a situationship is way past expiration date and it needs to become an actual relationship or you need to move on.

Some guys will try to convince you that it’s too soon and you are acting crazy but if you switch off your feeling for a little while and try to think logically, you may see that this dude just wants to “keep his freedom” and still have a good girl to come back to at the end of the day.

On the other hand, you may be jumping in head first into a situation with a guy when your gut is telling you to just give it a little more time but your hormones won’t let up. 

Take a step back from the intensity of your feelings and access the situation logically for a minute.

Should you really move in with this guy after a month of dating?

Should you really give up your opportunity at a better job in another city for a guy you have dated on and off for three years?

Sometimes things are so much better when they take time and effort to develop. Besides, taking your time is not only wise and cautious, it will also allow the two of you to maintain your individuality.

Special note to my Christian sisters: wait. Take your time. Just because you thought you heard God does not mean you did. Let time reveal character and let time build closeness.

2. The people who love you are worried

Look, I understand better than anyone that sometimes everybody else is wrong about someone.

My best friend’s fiance is a wonderful man who we all rejected from the get go because of one mistake he made.

My best friend held on to the relationship despite all the criticism from family and friends.

A few years later, we all see how he takes care of her and their baby and we admit we were wrong about him.

But most of the time, that is not the case. I am not saying always listen to other people.

However, the people who love you want the best for you and they can see clearly because they do not have their “so-in-love-glasses” on.

I think it is better to take advise from a wiser older woman like your mother or a mentor.

In my best friends case, it was her mother who supported the relationship when everyone else was against it. 

You can ask a mentor or your married cousin what they think about a guy you have been seeing for three months but who hasn’t asked you out on an official date even though you talk all the time and are really vibing.

If you give an outsider all the facts, they may have a more objective assessment of the situation.

We are not made to do life alone. It is very important to bridge generational gaps with the older women in your life. They may not look like it, but they are the real love gurus because most of them have been there, seen that and done that.

3. Other areas of your life are being neglected.

When it is all too fast too soon, it takes a lot of time and effort you just can't notice it because of all the happiness and validation you're getting.

All this time and effort gets cut from things you used to enjoy doing.

Instead of gradually increasing the amount of time you spend with someone or doing things you love together, all of a sudden, you start spending almost all your time with this person. 

It is great to want to spend every waking moment with someone and it is inevitable that you will make sacrifices in order to see them. However, it is not okay to all of a sudden drop your friends, your hobbies and everything that makes you you to cater to a new flame. 

You are definitely doing too much if your entire calendar is being cleared out for a new guy.

Soon, you will not even be the girl he first got intrigued by. The girl who liked traveling or bowling or cooking for her friends. You will be girl who has no life outside of him.

Let me finish by stressing the first point, if your mind is telling you to cut back, cut back. You want a love that builds up to a flame rather than something that burns all at once then dies down. 

You want to build up consistency and not to scare the other person away.

Do not push before it is time.

You also do not want to sit around waiting for someone else’s timeline.

There is a sweet middle ground and you know it.