5 Things You Must Let Go of To find The Love of Your Life

If you are still single and dating in 2020 there is high probability that you are one bad date away from completely giving up on love all together. Sis, I feel ya. I am drained.

Modern day dating sucks for someone who is looking for more than just a connection. It seems like you either get chemistry or commitment and asking for both is greedy or needy or picky or whatever else they are labeling us these days.

In 2020, you and I are saying a big fat NO to:

1. Mixed signals and confusing signs

Oh my goodness. When was the last time a guy just asked you out on a real date, not ‘hanging out’ and then walked you home and asked if you could have another date and a few dates later made it clear that he liked you and wanted to be exclusive?

When was the last time you did that without fearing you will come off as desperate?

The absolutely worst part about dating in this past decade has been all the fear and casualness involved. Two people may like each other but both of them want to seem like they are just chilling and its just casual. To hell with that.

Girl, if you like a dude and you are not looking for anything casual, just be upfront about it. If you are getting mixed signals, be direct and ask what is what.

We are adults and adults have difficult conversations. It is better to ask him to define the relationship and walk away if he is not willing to commit than to let yourself be strung along for another half a decade.

Sis, we do not have that kind of time to waste. If you have already given two years or five years, do not give anymore. 

This are the new 20s and we are taking back control. We do not ask for a guy to define the relationship for us, we tell them what we want and we hear what they want. If a mutually beneficial agreement cannot be reached, we leave.

2. Selfish guys

It may seem like all the good ones are taken and so you have to settle for whatever is still available but that is not true.

I am surrounded by wonderful single men who are looking for a girl just like you. I would date them but we are related by blood.

The hook up culture has taught a lot of men (and women) to be very selfish and self absorbed. Sometimes, we train men to be selfish by trying to please their every whim because we have become desperate.

Selfish men range from the downright meanies to good guys who haven’t learned to give in relationships. 

Society has taught men to be takers in all ways except for financially (in some cases). It is easy to have an entire relationship built on his timeline, his needs and his aspirations at the expense of your identity. 

But there are men who have learned to be givers and we will wait for them. We will learn to give as much as we take as well (because sometimes we are just as selfish and self absorbed). 

Do not give more time, energy and love to a man who clearly is not ready to do the same.

Ditch the fantasy of what he could be. It is not your job to reform a player. Do not continue dating men who are unfaithful to you.

You cannot reform a commitment phobe any more than you can a player. He will not commit to you no matter how much you nag. One day, five years down the line, he will finally leave you and get engaged to somebody else within five months.

3. The scarcity mindset

The scarcity mindset is thinking that there are fewer eligible bachelors for you. It is viewing life as if you are a contestant on The Bachelor. 

Ever seen how crazy women get on that show and wonder what the heck. Those women act like that because the competition is so steep and the stakes (at least in their minds) are so high. 

Well, you and I can easily be like that when we start thinking of good men as a rare commodity. Do you know what is also rare, good women like you and me. 

It is the scarcity mindset that fuels desperation and makes you do unattractive things or say things that causes a good guy to undervalue you. 

A lot of the time, we are so busy trying to impress the ‘one good guy left in LA’ that we end up seeming to him like the crazies on The Bachelor. 

You and I sis, from now on, will stop doing ratio and probability analysis in our heads. We are the rare ones.

We will continue to be fabulous, to meet new people and be social and we know we will find someone. There is plenty of good men. I already told you I know a couple.

4. Making excuses for guys

NO. Just no. Not anymore.

I was once talking with this guy who suddenly started taking hours in between replies and even stopped calling. I told myself he was just busy.

After about a month of frustrating me with slow replies, dodging calls and flaking on plans, out of nowhere, he started being all up in my business again. Always texting, calling and wanting to see me all the time.

I later found out that during his MIA month, an ex of his had come back to town and they picked up from where they left off. They dated for that whole month.

Meanwhile he kept me on standby just in case things did not work out with his ex, and when they didn’t, true to his calculations, I was still around. Even after I knew about it, I still stuck around for a while before ditching the creep.

Girls, come on, when he was flaking, I knew in my gut that something was different but I made excuses for him.

We always know when we are in too deep with someone who isn’t even in it or when we are dealing with someone who is not ready or who is not right for us.

God blessed us with intuition and often times we stifle it because of that scarcity mindset I talked about.

We figure we cannot do better and so we hold on as tightly as we can for as long as we can and yet, often, we still get hurt.

5. Holding on to the fake

Mathew Hussey has a quote I absolutely love and I pray to remember forever:

“If you want to attract the real, you need to be prepared to sacrifice the bullshit. The bullshit version of a relationship that you are currently being offered. The pseudo relationship.”

Whether you leave this guy completely or stay to work on your issues, what matters is that you let go of everything fake to make room for the real.

Stop pretending you do not want to get married and have kids by thirty if that’s what you want.

Stop pretending you are cool being just friends. Stop pretending that it does not hurt you that you are not exclusive. 

A romantic relationship is supposed to be one of the most intimate relationships of your life. It cannot be build on stifled desires and secret resentment. Speak up. Let go. 

Let me conclude by reminding you ladies that there is a guy out there for you.

For my Christian sisters, you do not have to settle to be unequally yoked. God has someone for you.

We single girls need to stop feeling like all we have is the hook up culture, the mixed signals and the sitting around and waiting for a guy to DTR at his own pace.

I highly recommend watching Mathew Hussey’s YouTube channel. I was seriously motivated and encouraged by what he has to say.

What else are you saying a big ABSOLETELY NOT to starting today? Comment down below and do not forget to keep your sisters in the know by sharing this.