How to get a guy to value you


Men and women have a lot more in common when it comes to looking for love that you think. For one, we both crave deep and meaningful connection. Commitment is a whole different ball game with more women than men wanting it.

Many men have been raised to fear comitment. A lot of the men in my life, and they are many, have told me that their biggest fear in relationships is being controlled or manipulated because of they love someone too much.

Meanwhile a lot of women fear being the one who is more invested, more in love and even more comitted to the relationship.

Women were raised aspiring for marriage while society raised men to hold it off for as long as they possibly can.

However, the way that women get men to throw away twenty or thirty years of social conditioning is by showing just how valuable they are and then letting the man decide all by himself that he would much rather have you than his “freedom.”

Both men and women have an endless list of possibilities when they are still single. Choosing to exclusively date one person means that you shut the door to literally a million what-could-have-beens. 
You will decide to date one person to the exclusion of everyone else only if you truly believe they are the best option available to you for now and the foreseeable future. 
Men and specifically quality men have a lot of women throwing themselves at them. This often leaves them confused or even disinterested in settling down. Classic decision fatigue.

They spend a lot of time analyzing their many options until the choice is either made for them by a very aggressive and determined girl or they finally meet a girl who they believe is far more valuable than anyone they have ever met.

You want to be girl number two. You probably already are a high value woman, you just do not know how to show it yet.

Once you (and me because I am learning too) figure out how to bring your best foot foward, you will be able to get the attention of the men you want and build a connection with them.

1. First impressions matter.

Elliot Scott has a YouTube channel where I first heard him talk about this. According to him, men categorize women in neat and narrow boxes within the first few seconds of meeting them.

After they have labeled you, they are far less likely to change their mind about you. Isn’t it true for women too. When you meet a guy you immediately know him as something-guy in your head.

He can be that obnoxious guy, shy guy, player, cute guy or even dream guy. This is even before you have gotten to know them. Obnoxious guy will always irritate you and you are far less likely to ever give him a chance.

Player will only get a chance if you have serious self esteem issues and dream guy can be popping up red flags all over the place and you will not even catch a whiff of them.

The very first time you meet a guy, you get to decide what aspect of you you want to stand out. The goal, according to Scott, is to suppress your red flags and play to your strengths.

Do not fix yourself into a category you may never get out off like the obnoxious girl, the vain girl, the girl who won’t stop talking, the needy/clingy girl, the one of the boys girl, the friends with benefits girl or whatever.

You do not even need to bring you A game. Most guys are just looking for a normal girl to connect with. Most of us act anything but normal when we like a guy and that is the problem.

I don’t know what happens but we just turn into this counterfeit versions of ourselves that either come off as trying too hard or clingy or weird or any of the girls I have mentioned above.

When you meet a guy you like, suppress the crazy.

2. Looks and personality

If you are very attractive but do not have a good personality, guys may date you but never commit to anything long term. If you have a great personality but are not physically attractive, you will end up in the friendzone.

Every woman is beautiful and can be physically attractive. I am not talking about being sexy or slutty. Modesty and classy is very attractive.

However, and I am a culprit here, some of us need to put in just a little more effort. I could choose to sit and complain about how other women look flawless without any makeup or I could just slap on some mascara on my face.

Most of the time, it takes the least amount of effort to look good because all women are already beautiful. Just dress cute and always be clean. Wear clothes that fit well and that make your eyes or skin tone pop.

Take care of your skin, hair and nails. You do not need make up. Most of the time you just need good grooming but there is nothing wrong with a little make up.

As for personality. Be kind and interesting. The kind of person you would like to be with. The kind of person the world needs. Do not be the kind of woman who thrives on mind games and manipulating men.

If you are both cute and have a decent personality, you will get a good guy. You don’t need to look like a super model or be mother Teresa.

3. Confidence

Confidence is the most attractive thing to men. Most men like a woman who has that quiet confidence. Who knows her worth and is not dying to get a minute of their time.

Confidence communicates scarcity. You are scarce. You are not worried about getting him because you have options. You do not need to keep chasing him and bombarding him with text messages.

Confidence in your value makes it real and tangible. When you talk to a guy you like, suppress your insecurities.

I know that the more you like someone the more the insecurities come out but just remember it is not their job to teach you how to like yourself. Nobody can do that for you.

4. Interesting conversation

We often think that the only way to build a deep connection is by spilling our guts out to someone.

When you have just met a person, their are parts of yourself that need to stay private until he earns access to them. On the flip side, you have not yet earned his shoulder to help you carry your baggage.

You can connect just as well on mid level subjects that are not too shallow or too deep like career aspirations and values. Build a genuine connection without shooting yourself straight into the friend zone aka the girl he tells all his problems. 

5. Be consistent

If there is something that drives men absolutely insane, which I am also guilty of is when we are inconsistent.

For example, if you say you do not like a man opening doors for you because it is outdated chauvinism (I personally do not have a problem with chivalry) then do not get mad if he asks to split the bill or won’t help you carry your bags.

Most guys will go along if you say you do not subscribe to cultural expressions of patriarchy like opening doors and pulling chairs so long as you follow that thought pattern through consistently and not just when it is convenient for you.

Another example of inconsistency is the classic overcorrection. You are afraid you opened up too much on your first date so you barely say anything on the second date. Then to correct the overcorrection, you once again over share in your third date.

Every single date, it feels like he is meeting a new woman. It is the craziness I was talking about that comes out when we like someone. You just have to suppress it.

So there you have it ladies, five ways to get a guy to like you to value you. If I could boil it down to something it would be take better care of how you look, have a great personality and suppress the crazy.